Lo, snowflake!
The Ten Commandments appear in three different versions in the Bible, in Deuteronomy 5:6–21 and twice in Exodus, namely 20:2–17 and the 'Ritual Decalogue' of 34:11–26.
Different editions of the book may use different words or more archaic grammar, but in current times they're generally accepted to be as they're written below (in grey).
I wondered what a simplified, modern interpretation of each one might be, because the times demand it (those ones are in orange). It's for fun, so don't get your subligaculums in a twist over it. Satire is good. Tyranny is bad. Don't confuse them.
The Ones You Learn in School :
01. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
02. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
03. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
04. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
05. Honour thy father and thy mother.
06. Thou shalt not kill. [Shouldn't this be #1?]
07. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
08. Thou shalt not steal.
09. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
10. Thou shalt not covet.
The Ones You Learn in Life :
01. Notice me! All other influencers are fake.
02. Put your phone down for five minutes, for Chrissake!
03. Say what you like about the other guy - but dis me and I'll Gomorrah your ass.
04. It's Sunday, yo. Chill. Watch a movie. Have a whisky. Feet up.
05. Remember who birthed and raised you, you little shit.
06. Don't kill.
07. Monogamy is a choice; choose wisely.
08. Don't DL other people's shit without permission. Especially Metallica shit.
09. No sophistry, ya hear? Even if your neighbour is a prick.
10. Don't lust for overpriced tat. (You don't soddin' need it.)
The TL;DL :
01-10. Don't be a dick!
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